Disclaimer: My opinion is just that, an opinion. I am in no way, shape or
form blanketing all interracial relationships, specifically between Melanin and
Caucasian People under one umbrella. With all situations, there are exceptions
to the rule.
The Skin You’re In
I've often been perplexed about the dynamics of melanin
people who can co-exist in a relationship with a person who is part of a race
of people who have continually oppressed, despised and done everything in their
power to keep our people at a disadvantage. I have contemplated many scenarios
that would be applicable to why this is but it has only been conjecture on my
part through my own experiences with living day to day in a society that judges
me on my skin pigmentation, rather than the merits of who I am as a person. I
guess I shouldn’t care about whom one chooses to marry but when it comes to the
psychology and well-being of black people and how certain choices affect the
stability of the family structure and the mentality of our people it mostly
becomes a problem for all of us. It is a reality that will have adverse
reactions for generations to come. I am by no means a person who hates or
disparages anyone on the basis of race; in fact I am cordial and happy to treat
anyone with mutual respect. I would also add that I care for all people regardless
of their racial background. I do however have no tolerance for people who
choose to disrespect, oppress, hurt me and anyone who share the same racial
background as I do.
I have relatives who are in interracial relationships and nieces,
nephews as well as great nieces and nephews who are bi-racial. So it is
impossible for me not to love them because part of their heritage is of the Caucasian
persuasion that would be absurd. In fact anyone who would mistreat people on
the basis of skin color is superficial, ignorant and immoral human beings. There
have been accusations against melanin people of practicing reverse-discrimination
(racism) towards Caucasian people; this is an oxymoron because it is impossible
for a people who have no political, economic or societal power to practice
racism. Melanin people’s attitude and anger towards Caucasian people is merely
a reaction to centuries of inhumanity, oppression and disrespect.
Well-known child psychiatrist, the late Francis Cress
Welsing classified racism as the following:
“Racism and white supremacy is the local and global power
system and dynamic, structured and maintained by people who classify themselves
as white—whether consciously or subconsciously determined, which consists of
patterns of perception, logic, symbol formation, thoughts, speech actions and
emotional response, as conducted simultaneously in all areas of people
activity, including economics, education, entertainment, labor, law, politics,
religion, sex and war.”
My thought process on interracial relationships is on an
analytical level of consciousness based on the history of our people in this
country and the blatant inhumane mistreatment that still continues today.
So my question is?
How do you function in a relationship with a person who
is a direct descendant of a people who has caused so much destruction, bloodshed
and anguish to your people?
I just watched two you tube videos of two such examples
of melanin people who had been in interracial relationships and subsequently
ended those relationships. Interestingly, one is female and she came to the
revelation that her Caucasian boyfriend was indeed a racist. The other is a man
who came to the understanding that self-hate was at the root of his attraction
to his Caucasian girlfriend.
Both stories confirmed what I already suspected which is
that there has to be some sort of subconscious self-hatred going on within that
person and secondly, there is a total lack of knowledge on the true history of
white supremacy and its detrimental effects on our culture, heritage and
psychological well-being. The caustic history between Caucasian and melanin
people runs so deep within this country's DNA that it would make it virtually
impossible for the two people to be completely honest and open in communicating
about their racial backgrounds, thought processes and the by-product of its
effects on each other. Unless the people involved begin to ignore these factors
and intricacies of their racial relationship it is a high probability that social
awkwardness, intimacy and trust issues will occur and eventually cause the
deterioration of the relationship.
This sub-conscious or conscious mechanism would have to
occur in order to co-exist in a racist society. (Cognitive dissonance) Unfortunately, to the
detriment of their children, this internal bubble from social influences would
be passed down so that they could not experience the external effects of
racism. How could normalcy ever be possible when every aspect of a melanin
person's life is consumed by the constant reminder of their race? From
filling out an application in which you are asked if you are black or white to
being denied a homeowner's loan for a house in an affluent neighborhood. As
well as being subjected to the more recent high profile racist remarks of
politicians (Steve King , Frank Artiles),
the racist rants of celebrities (Paula Deen, Ted Nugent) and the blatant
murders of black men and women by police officers. The public apology does not
eradicate the fact that this sickness is still tolerated on a global scale not
only in high places in society but in all economic classes and groups of
people.
Within the last eight years the wicked and racist underbelly of this
society's most covert and insidious disease has finally unapologetically reared
its ugly head for all to see; we can no longer remain complacent and pretend
that racism doesn't exist.
I am not saying that it is impossible to be in love with
someone of a Caucasian ethnicity, I believe it could be possible but it is up
to the individuals to know the true dynamics of their relationship and truly
search their heart and mind. They need to understand why it is important to deal
with the reality of racism and how it has affected melanin people as well as
the Caucasian people’s role in that history. Is the Caucasian person truly
comfortable with the skin you are in? Can you truly express to them the pride
in your heritage? The love you have for your people? Can they truly comprehend
the respect and love you have for the men and women who look just like you and
that quality be openly expressed? Are they threatened by your self confidence
in knowing who you are? Can they take equal pride in your children's melanin
heritage and be ok with them learning and embracing that part of themselves?
Can you engage in opinions and conversations comfortably and honestly about
racial differences, racism and the history of white supremacy and how its
effects have damaged you and your people?
Can they relate, empathize and
support you when those challenging times come when you are verbally hurt or
racially profiled? Do they embrace your spiritual beliefs, heritage and culture
with respect and acknowledgement? More importantly, can you embrace and take
pride in the skin you're in? Do you feel free to discuss these matters with
your Caucasian partner or are you even interested to do so? Do you feel
comfortable talking about your heritage, racism and white supremacy to you
children without feeling guilty? Can you honestly explain to your children the
truth behind the history of the "N" word when they are called it for
the first time without feeling you are betraying or putting your Caucasian
partner in a bad light? Are your children being taught their heritage and the
significance in knowing that heritage? Are they taught to embrace and take
pride in that heritage?
It’s one thing for you as an adult to understand the
dynamics of the interracial relationship you are in honestly within yourself,
but it is quite another to bring children into a world of racial division,
hatred and white supremacist ideals and then pretend that none of these exist
when in actuality it does. It is selfish, cruel and not in the best interest
for the stability of the child who will one day grow up and face these same
challenges and be totally unequipped to deal with it because they were told
color doesn't matter and to turn a blind eye when they are insulted by racial
bigotry without an explanation to why. In an ideal world it would be a
beautiful thing if the world were as we hope it would be without conflict,
genuine agape love for everyone no matter the race, creed or natural origin,
but unfortunately we do not exist in a utopia that is colorblind.
True liberation does not come from turning a blind eye,
enveloping one’s self in a safety-zone bubble or sticking one's head in the
sand. True liberation comes from embracing every aspect of who you are mind,
body and spirit and not allowing anyone or anything to make you feel inferior
because of those attributes. Once you
have achieved that level of completeness, you pass that same pride onto your
children so they will never feel ashamed of whom they are.
If you are stifling the best part of yourself you are
denying the best part of who you are and anyone who is ok with you doing that
to yourself does not truly love you. And if you are consciously or
subconsciously doing it to yourself than you lack the love of self and you owe
it to yourself to understand and know why that is by researching your childhood
history as well as black history and the history of racism and white supremacy.
This is not only for yourself, but for your children who deserve the
self-confidence to be proud of themselves and their heritage despite what
society says.
Realistically, this society will only look at your child
through racially bias lenses and as much as you would like to believe otherwise,
they will not see a "bi-racial" child, they will see "a black
child."
So you need to ask yourself...
Are you truly comfortable in the skin you’re in?
